Why this book?
Question!! What is something that seems very easy but at times feels very hard? well it is saying “No!”.
That doesn’t mean you should go out and start saying “No” to everything and everyone. But for requests and opportunities that you are strongly not interested in and still end up saying yes to, then you should congratulate yourself for reading this.
For a long time, my inability to say “No” was my biggest weakness. The idea is 5% similar to the other book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, about which I have written a blog as well, that you should totally check out here. But wait, read this first.
The first thing you have to understand is that when you say yes to others, you are actually saying no to yourself. With this perspective always in mind, it gets easier to avoid unnecessary things that cross your path. However, there is still a long way to go. and this is what this book The art of saying no by Damon Zanariades is about.
Learnings from Art of Saying NO!
Help yourself first
When flight attendants explain safety to passengers in the event the cabin decompresses. Before helping others, you must first put on your own oxygen mask. This isn’t for the sake of self-preservation. Instead, the airlines understand that if you don’t do that first, you may succumb to hypoxia and you will neither be able to help others nor yourself. As a result, saying no to some things for the time being will only enable and empower you to say yes to those things later.
Being assertive means having confidence in expressing yourself and what your needs are. Be clear and leave no room for confusion or negotiation. Most of the time, when we want to say no, we are not firm in our decision and keep the words hanging there like “I won’t be able to do this.” I have a lot of things to do. I have to go shopping this evening. “. The problem with this is that it only delays the other party rather than avoiding them. You need to be clear that “I do not want to” or “I am not interested” or “I cannot invest my time in it.”
Saying No is not rude
We’ve been taught that saying no is impolite and disrespectful. As a result, we try to say yes to as many things as possible in order to maintain our honour and respect in society. However, this is not the case. It’s more impolite to do things half-heartedly because you didn’t want to do them in the first place and lacked the guts to say no. As a result, you won’t be able to give it your all, and you’ll slowly become irritated, cynical, and unhappy.
There are only so many things you can do because life is short and time is limited. As a result, it’s critical that you figure out your priorities and have a list of things you want to do on your own. Because if you don’t know what your priorities are, you might end up doing things you don’t want for people you don’t like. Every time you say no, you make time for yourself.
We believe that our time is less valuable than that of others, and that our goals and interests are inferior to those of others. We believe that our contribution to the world is in some way inferior to that of those around us. This has to change, and you must give importance to yourself.
Give reason & be honest
Give reasons for your inability to assist; for example, “I am unable to assist you right now because I am preoccupied with a critical assignment.”Also, be honest with your excuse, because when you give a made-up excuse, it will make you feel guilty and sometimes the requester can recognise your deception, which is bad.
People will be ocassionally disappointed or even angered by your refusal but remember you cant control others reaction. All you can be reasonably expected to do is say no, with poise and sincerity.