“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the first self help book that I have read and I guess this is also true for many people out there. Reason being we are never taught in school or at home on how to talk to people or how to convince people or how to make friends.
I am an Introvert. I don’t mean to say that after reading this book now I am magically able to make lot of friends or I am able to convince anyone. This post is about the things I learned from this book and the results I got after I started applying principles from this book.
This book will not magically transform your life. It will take constant efforts from your side. Below I have listed my favorite learnings from the book that I practice regularly.
Remember persons name
This is a very simple but a powerful spell. Everybody likes to hear their name. I am very bad with remembering name and this is same for a lot of people. This simple step of remembering peoples name and calling by their name will put you on right track with making friends.
Don’t criticize condemn or complain
Don’t criticize or complain the person for their actions or ideas try to figure out why do they do what they do.
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Appreciate people for their good actions and be genuinely supportive. If a person does something good or achieves something then congratulate them. maybe it is a speech they gave or a contribution they made to an NGO, appreciate!!
Be a good listener
There is an old saying that we have two ears and one mouth so we should listen more and speak less. Listen to what the other people has to offer don’t interrupt kin between and try to offer un necessary advice or suggestions.
Be genuinely interested in other person
Being interested in what the other person does is a simple exercise you can do to make friends. example if someone is interested in playing piano. Then try to take interest in that person about his piano journey, favorite songs dreams etc.
or you can then try to research about the topics the other people is interested in. Maybe for a person interested in piano research about the piano competitions, history of piano and few interesting facts about songs.
Making conversations such that the person feels important in his capacity and you being genuinely interested in that person will keep the conversation going
You can never make a friend by participating in an argument. Always try to figure out where the conversation is headed and avoid it.
if you are right and won the argument, you make the other person feel inferior .you have hurt his pride. This way you will never get your opponents good will.
Respect people opinions. never say you’re wrong
Don’t tell them they are wrong directly. Use a little diplomacy and try to avoid negative statements in conversations. Instead use statements like “Maybe I am wrong, But I think this way of doing is correct”. Statements like this puts a little doubt in other persons idea without being arrogant. This way you have better chance of convincing other person.
If you are wrong admit quickly
If you are wrong and you know it then immediately admit it. This makes you a credible and honest person in their eyes.
Get other person to say ‘yes, yes’
Make conversation with the other person such that they say ‘yes, yes’ in the begining of the conversation. Get a ‘NO’ from a person in the begining will make the rest of the conversation a little negative and will take a lot to convine in such case. but if you can get that few magical ‘yes’ in the begining then it will be easier because of affirmative environment that you just set.
So ask a gentle question – A question that will get you a ‘yes, yes’ response.